For a long time I have observed something (quite obvious I could add) that happens in many families and in general people’s lives. There is always a person that says they are sick of doing everything around the house or for others. Mind you, some might be right to say this, but in some other cases it is no quite like that.
My brother and I used to be completely opposites when it came to organizing our things and our rooms, his was chaos, mine was order. It changed with time, he is quite an organized fellow right now, but I remember when we were younger, from time to time, sitting down with him to go through his stuff and see what can be thrown out or given away. Then I also remember my mother being annoyed at us for not cleaning our dishes as soon as we put them in the sink. I did not understand what was her problem back then, it is not such a big deal if we do it half an hour later or even two hours later. But for her, it clearly was.
Last summer, my mother came to me and my brother saying we should clean the kitchen and the dining room, we were surprised because we had just cleaned it three days ago.
“Yes, yes, but it gets filthy in that time!”
“But mom, it gets filthy even the next day, once a week all the house is more than enough.”
I can not count how many times we had that conversation with my mother, either me or my brother.
Then something else happened in my life: Iliyan. My fiancé. We discussed these kind of situations where the other person begs us or orders us to do something and then complains that nobody helps them. However, it was in our own experience of living together when I learnt something from us, and from Iliyan.
I have always liked order and cleanliness, it has not changed in all these years, however I am very particular on the way of cleaning, I like doing it with detail once a week, the rest of the time I usually am at school so I do not clean much, plus it is only me living in my room, so there is barely anything to clean! Nowadays my partner is with me, has been for the past two months, so we have our own habits, some that formed with us being together, some that are part of our character. Iliyan will clean anytime I ask him to do it when I am busy studying or going to school, sometimes he does it on his own, but I did notice he does it much less unless I ask him, same with putting the laundry back, one day I asked him why was that.
He told me he did not notice it, and that with the clothes he was used to leave them for a day or two to make sure everything is dry. I was rather surprised about this, how could you not notice the clothes hanging? Or the puffs flying around the room? But it was not as unusual as I might have thought, because instantly I remembered my mother and her insistence of cleaning after two or three days of the last time we did it. I saw everything clean, in my eyes there was no need for that, but for her there was. It was the same with me and Iliyan. I think he was rather amused about all this that was making me think so much, because he sat down with me and explained me that people have different visions of the same thing.
Like for example that I like putting everything in its place once I get home, yet my beloved might leave his jacket out and put it in its place a bit later. For me it is not nice to leave it for later, but for him it is not a problem.
I understand now better people when they are upset at their partners, families or friends and say that they do everything, each has a different perception of a situation. This can be applied to many things, not only cleanliness or order in the house, I took these as a mere example.
It is not much of a problem for my fiancé and I, because I know we have different visions of the same thing, so when I need something I ask him, and he does the same. In most cases we even go and do it ourselves, if I am the one that really wants to get that done right this minute, better do it myself, if I need help, I know that he will help me.
When each one of you sees something different, find together a common vision or ground.