The other day with some friends from the conservatoire we started talking about teenagers and of ourselves a few years ago when we were considered part of that category. With my birthday being in less than a week it made me think about the whole topic of “growing old”. Do not get me wrong, I know very well that I am not old at all, but time passes no matter what, some have had more of it, but we all go through it.
So, why did we start talking about teenagers?
The whole thing started because a group of teenagers from the young talents department of my conservatoire came in a big bunch to the first floor making quite a bit of noise, it was around lunch time, so it was not not surprising, but one of my friends cried a long “nooooo” as soon as they started sitting down in the neighboring table. I was rather amused but understood her distress, it was so peaceful a moment ago, now it would be like being in the middle of a school yard when the children are having their half an hour break.
It did get me thinking to the other times that I have caught myself being upset or annoyed at certain behaviors that I would see in teenagers or older children. So I told them of that one time a couple of young teenagers bumped into me with their bags and did not even bother themselves to look who they bumped into or utter a simple “I am sorry”, they blatantly ignored it, I made an annoyed face at them, I mean, this is the supermarket, do take care where you are going! The aisles sometimes are rather narrow so it is common sense to take care when you move around, or at least apologize when accidentally bumping into someone. A second later from that I thought: Wait a minute, why am I so upset about this? Not long ago this would not have bothered me almost at all, not long ago I was their age. I had no answer for this.
There were similar occurrences, with seventeen year old girls that would shout “Bu!” at me when going in opposite directions on the bicycle or boys shouting something at me and laughing at their fantastic joke.
I actually have no idea when I started to feel as if I grew old. One of my friends said the same, that she felt that she grew old and acted more like a grandma rather than a young person, but in many ways I had a bit of a similar feeling. I keep feeling that in some aspects I act more and more like an “adult”, when I have a free day I stay at home and relax, watching a film, cuddling with my partner, cleaning or taking care of my studies. Not things children or teenagers would do that much, right?
My life right now might seem boring in the eyes of others, I go to school, attend my classes, practice, do my homework, go back home, cook, eat and enjoy the special and less routine things that I do with my fiancé —without him it would be even more simple— because my day to day is quite calm and “vanilla” as some would say. But I love it, I am happy with this, the magic of life is brought by my beloved and the daily chores and routines are things I get done some out of “obligation” (everything related to the conservatoire) and some because they are essential to my way of living (cleaning, doing the laundry, watering the plants in the weekend, etc).
However, not so long ago my way of thinking was different, I identified myself more with teenagers, no matter if my same age, younger or older, I would look forward to talk with them and preferred their company when making close friends, yet now I found myself in the position that this had changed and I had no idea when and why.
After pondering about it I can only say what I have noticed in myself. That we change a lot when we reach adulthood, basically when we undertake even more responsibilities and little by little try to open our wings to soar the skies on our own, when we notice the changes, it is quite shocking, because the change was, even if big, gradual. But —at least for myself— I do not mind it anymore, that I make faces at teenagers and feel annoyed, because lately I smile at them, amused at their silliness, I do not feel like I am part of them anymore but at the same time I do understand them, because not that long ago… I was them.
At heart I am still a child, I will probably be one all my life, but I have changed. Embrace the change but keep your recklessness and young flame alive.