People make lots of mistakes when it comes to relationships. Whether they are caused from lack of experience or living on the fast lane and being impatient, it doesn’t matter. Most of these mistakes cause you to be “stuck” in a bad situation that causes you pain or breaks the relationship between you and the person whom you love.
Here is a list of common mistakes people make and some advices.
1. Dating out of boredom.
Most common of all, is dating out of boredom. It is something that will not get you anywhere. If you don’t want to commit to a partner don’t go into a relationship. It is better if you are close friends, even if there are sexual activities between you two, but defining clear borders of your relationship is important. Dating out of boredom harms both you and the person who you have chosen to date out of having too much time on your hands.
2. Not being direct about what you feel/want.
There is no bigger factor in breaking up than bad communication. Be open about what is bothering you and what you want. Good and healthy communication solves most of the problems that would otherwise only pile up and lead to a break up.
3. Forcing the relationship.
If you have dated your partner for some time and things are going good and you wish to take things to a more serious level, don’t force it if the other person is not ready or does not want it. All you are going to achieve is breaking your relationship apart. Talk with your partner what are their visions for your relationship. If they don’t match decide together what steps you shall both take.
4. Don’t play victim to get attention.
If you think you are getting less attention than you should get, just talk it with your partner and try to work it out. Don’t fall in the habit of victimizing yourself for their attention. Don’t make yourself look less just so that they can come and help you and in this process give you a bit of attention. This will always backfire at you and in many cases end up with parting ways.
5. Giving up too easily.
Wanting or not there will come a time where you might feel like you lost interest or feel bored with your partner. Quitting too soon however is a big mistake a lot of people make… they would either break up or plainly cheat on their partner (both sexually and non sexually) with other people behind their back. Don’t be those people! There is a reason why you have stayed with this person so long. Try working the stagnation with them, try and rekindle the fire between you before throwing a bucket of water on it and going with someone else.
6. Carry the relationship.
If you find in a position where you are doing all the effort and the compromises so that the relationship survives, it is time to stop. Bring it up with your partner, talk with them. Put some of the load on them. If it all goes to hell, it only shows that there was no relationship to begin with and the other person was with you for reasons most commonly related to boredom, not wanting to be alone or plain and simple using your feeling to take advantage of you for their benefit.
7. Be transparent.
Trust is the glue that keeps any good relationship together. The deeper the intimacy and trust are, the bigger the need for transparency. Be open and honest about your relationships with other people, what are you plans with those people when going out and so on. I may sound like it, but I am not saying you should write a report to your partner, but rather not try to hide things from them.
8. Choosing looks and charm over trust and stability.
There is always going to be this person who is going to sweep us off our feet with their looks or charisma, but not be a good partner for us. Many people get “stuck” in relationships that don’t work for them, despite all the pain that comes from that rocking and turbulent experience, they hold onto that feeling of being swept away and the few good moments. Having an interesting and good looking partner (by our standards of course) is the ultimate goal, but being in a bad relationship is a price not worth paying in the long run.
9. Don’t trap your partner in cage.
While being in a relationship means that you will be spending time together, that doesn’t mean that this person has no life of their own. They are not only your partner, they are also other people’s kids and friends. Let them spend time with those people too. We all know how the story of the “The Nightingale” goes.
10. Being too insecure.
It is normal to be insecure, after all, this is the first time we walk through this path in our life, every day is new and unpredictable. Being too insecure however is not healthy for your relationship. Don’t worry if there is a bump or a fight, don’t worry if there is something that doesn’t click. Try solving it instead. Pondering about insecurities of the future that don’t even exist yet may cause them to become real.
11. Complaining too much and listening too little.
If you find yourself in a spot where you always end up talking how something is upsetting you, even though your partner was the first one talking about what upsets them, then you may have a problem needing some attention. Being open about what bothers you is a good thing for a relationship to thrive, but there is also a line that should not be crossed. Tend to your partners problems too and listen to them, but not just while you are on your phone, watching TV or doing something else. Stop what you are doing and give them your full attention, even if all they want is to rant a bit about their bad day. Your full attention will be appreciated big time!
12. Lack of trust.
If the other person has not given you any reason for not trusting them, don’t go out of your ways to keep tabs on them. Doing so will only cause your partner to lose trust in you or you misunderstanding a situation. Which in turn will only cause more problems.
13. Clinging on when things could not work.
While giving up too soon is bad, so it is to cling to a relationship which is clear that doesn’t and will not work on fundamental differences between you two. Just don’t tell them that everything is over out of the blue. It is better if you sit down and talk it with the other person and come to a decision, whether you will part ways completely or stay close friends and look for someone else.
We are not perfect we are bound to make mistakes. Don’t focus on what went wrong, but focus on what could be done to fix the situation and learn from your mistakes. Every mistake is a great teacher. The only bad thing is not learning from them and doing them over and over again.