The challenges of shortening the distance: 4 simple advices for LDR couples.

Iliyan and I have been trying for a long time to resolve our distance, even if that —in some solutions that we come up with— means we actually still have to be apart for some time. Each couple has different challenges when it comes to this, some know very well when they will be able to be together, others, have no clue.

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Me and Iliyan at my conservatoire between my lessons, he comes to all of them!

In our case it probably is (in a way) the “no clue” group, because my temporary location is Holland, at least for the next two years and a half, after that I might still be here or not, and for Iliyan it is actually better to find work out of Bulgaria, because working there would only be a means to survive on his own, not to really amass to anything, there is not much of a nice future there, which saddens me because it is a beautiful country.

Regardless, I did wanted to point out a few advices when it comes to this topic, probably rather obvious, but it might help some couples that are rather lost as in what to do.

1. Talk about the future and plan.

The whole “let us avoid discussing what we cannot see yet” does not work here, it is very important to discuss it, sometimes lightly sometimes in detail, because if your plan is to stick together and at some point live in the same city, have a family or just share the same space, then you truly need to plan things out. There are certain times in which these things take a long time, because of work, because of personal plans, career development, lack of financial means to do so yet, etc. So, work on it, maybe not daily, but as much as you can. Give it thought and just in case, also have a plan B.

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We plan our days of the week with this new board Iliyan gave me as a present. I am quite fond of it (I can also draw on it!).

2. Start small, but start.

If you already actually have a plan then, one, I congratulate you! And two, make sure you actually start. It is scary to make a big change, even if you are not the one moving, you will still give support for the one that comes, help them out with some things they have to figure out, like registering in the municipality or finding a job. For things to come true, you need to work towards them, these are the kind of plans that are for the long run.

3. Patience and effort.

I really wish I could twitch my nose like Samantha from “Bewitched” and make everything perfect so Iliyan and I can live in the same house, but of course it takes time and effort. Some days you will be tired and putting effort to talk things with your beloved will seem like climbing the tallest mountain in the world but you still have to sit down, talk out options, write them down, take action into some of the steps to achieve what you want to do and so on. When you are impatient and tired, tell them, talk of nice things, plan the next visit, give yourself strength to keep on going.

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A week ago studying for my Music History exam, I was going crazy but my beloved kept me sane with his constant support and love.

4. Be there for each other.

Stress comes in many shapes, it also comes when you are planning something as big as this. For Iliyan and I it has been a stress (in different ways) because we worry. Whether we made some mistake in what we planned, or if something that we can not control will not work out and we will once again have to deal with distance. It is stressful, however it gives a lot of positive energy to know that the other person is with you each step of the way, no matter how long, love does give strength.

We are as well still working out our own journey, we have made many plans, many got scratched out for x or y reason, it is like that, it can be a bit frustrating at times but I do confess that what keeps me going is our love, I love him with all my heart, and he loves me the same way, we know we can do it, we just have to keep on going. That is my last advice, keep on going, give your all, and when you fail, try again.

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