I don’t know how many of you know this, but it was me —Iliyan— who fell in love first, even though she was the one who found me first. I still remember all the lovely sensations, excitements, fears and few painful feelings here an there. Love is pretty amazing but also quite scary.
It all started with Adina finding my blog and starting to follow me. I checked her blog back and liked it quite a lot, it had this Alice in Wonderland feeling to it. Full of soft colors, round shapes, cute pictures and a feeling of magic. I still can’t explain it myself, but something made me follow her back, I felt drawn to that person and I also had this endless curiosity for her. Little did I know in what I was getting myself into.
At first I was really shy to talk with her, so I concocted a plan! I saw some of those chain letters that people send to their favorite bloggers, so I just copied one and sent it to her, then another one and another… until I realized I was already talking with her normally.
One day, I saw a page on her blog in which she had posted some things that she was currently doing in her life, like that she was learning to drive and had had a singing exam. I asked her how everything was going with those things and this question made our messages get bigger and bigger, in the end we ended up writing full-fledged letters to each other. She was answering roughly once a month which made it feel even more genuine. Before I could realize it, I started flirting with her as well as she. I was constantly bugging my friends about her. When I would read her letters I would dream of the day that all this would be real.
It is quite cheesy, I know… and to make it even cheesier I am going to add a bit of drama to it. The thing is, I was going through some nasty things; losing my friends, being in a toxic relationship (not a romantic one, but simple friends). It all happened when my friends abandoned me, there was a huge hole in me that needed to be filled so I kind of sticked to the first person who had a bit of interest in me. Quite silly from my part… but I was vulnerable and made a mistake, mistake I didn’t wanted to repeat. Consequently, I started dating a girl just to see if what I felt for Adina was not just another way of filling a hole but genuine feelings of love. As it did turn out, they were. Both this and a letter she sent me —which to this day still makes me feel a bit bitter— confirmed my true feelings. So to sum it up: I was young, confused and lonely, but in the end it turns out I did loved her truly!
Now the hard part came in: winning her over. I always thought that she was quite popular around boys (which she was) and that she already had someone she liked or a boyfriend (which she did not). Because I did not want to scare her off, I proposed her to watch some series together over Skype, since I didn’t have her Skype and I really wanted to chat with her more often than just once a month in form of a letter. We ended up watching an anime over Christmas and New Years, talking with her was surprisingly natural, even though I was quite nervous and shy I also felt quite comfortable. Back then we chatted few times for hours, even ended up not sleeping a whole night because of one of those conversations. It was amazing! I wanted more and more. At the same time she was the kind of person that will not write to you if you don’t write to her first. I was running out of excuses to write to her and started getting worried that I was maybe even annoying her and she was just being kind to me. Silly me… after few weeks of talking every day we ended up not talking for a month or so. I decided to break that “silence” and wrote to her first (like many other times) she wrote back saying I was a true magician because I appeared exactly when she really had needed someone close to cheer her up, because she was far away from her friends and family and she had a lot of stress going on. This made me feel sooooo happy! That I could be there for her and that my timing had been perfect as well. It gave me enormous amounts of energy to go and talk with her as often as I could —basically almost everyday— which, a couple of months later, lead us to the day in which I confessed to her. Before me confessing, we were talking about how bad and/or good we are at reading people, then dropped the topic for a bit, but some minutes later I said: “Now that you said that you have trouble reading people, I wonder if you noticed my crush for you.” in which she said she had sort of noticed, but also quickly added that she had a crush on me too! We continued talking about how we liked each other and the next early morning we ended up being girlfriend and boyfriend.
Honestly now looking back I would have loved it if I had had the courage to confess to her earlier than I did… a lot of pain could have been avoided as well as a lot of mistakes, and although rather silly, we would have had even more points in cheesiness since she could have been my first kiss (though I still don’t really count that peck thing with the other girl!).
Anyhow, my advice is: Don’t go into a relationship just for the sake of it. Don’t be afraid of telling them how you feel, better getting the answer sooner than later since you also risk losing them altogether or for them to unknowingly hurt you. Stay true to your heart.