During our lives there are many things going on, so it is no wonder that we forget to work on ourselves, to polish what we would like to improve, as well as to be comfortable in our own skin and heart.
It becomes very obvious that this has been neglected once you are in a relationship or you spend quite a lot of time with someone.
Of course the person you are with should accept you the way you are and vice versa, we should not really get into a relationship expecting the other person to change either now or in time, it does not work like that, changes come from within the individual, and usually someone else trying to change you will not work, it can help to have exterior encouragement, but not the pushing to change that some people inflict on others.
But then, what should we do?
Simple. Work on yourself. If both people have this mind set, working as a team will also become much easier, because each of you is putting its grain of sand by developing oneself. Growing together from there on is not as difficult as when neither of you do anything to evolve individually; The attitude of simply expecting for the other one to change or for things to just kinda work is the lazy way out in any situation.
When we are cranky, down, annoyed or just having a bad day it is easy to dismiss all this if we do not have to talk with people; with those that are not close we keep it in, when alone, it just kind of passes, when we are with someone that we have the liberty to rant and just snap at, we sometimes do so.
It is rather unfair, I mean, the fact that my day at school annoyed the hell out of me does not mean that all that should fall on my fiancé, yet sometimes it does. Why?
As I said, closeness, comfortableness and specially spending a lot of time with that person is mainly at “fault”, we allow ourselves to be completely our true self, which mind you, it is a good thing, but we get both our good and bad sides by doing so. It is easier to control that in the beginning of knowing someone (with whom you are already close) but once time and this bond deepens, this freedom to open up is bigger, and there we are faced with these situations.
Personally it drove me nuts, having to constantly fight with my silly and intense feelings wanting to halt it but finding it hard, too much energy went into it, thus making me feel like a failure. But I kept trying, and I now can say that it got better, but it was and —still is— constant and individual work. It needs time.
When you spend a lot of time with your beloved, sister, friend, anybody close they get to be with you through all your moods, both good and bad. That is, in essence the “problem”. But once you put time for yourself, and nurture yourself to grow and evolve daily, then the problem becomes smaller and smaller, until it will almost disappear.
I think it is important to constantly work on yourself, it is a form of art, it requires patience, discipline and love for yourself and for those around you. Sometimes you also need some time alone, see how much you need, being alone with your thoughts is healthy and provides a clear break for your mind.
My personal goal right now is being more patient and let the negative feelings slip away as soon as they try to enter in my heart, I want to give love to Iliyan always, as he wants to give me. I have all my life to perfect these skills, but I am going to work everyday for it.