When comfortableness comes around in a relationship.

Something both expected happily and dreadfully is being comfortable with your partner. Some people are scared of it, some are not. I on the other hand did not think about it much in the beginning, because we had begun as friends, and even back when we just shared a special friendship I felt strangely comfortable with him, I say strangely because I had not experienced that with other people.

Now, after both of us being in one place for three months —the longest we have been together physically— I can share my experience on this topic and also my and Iliyan’s advice for those who stress about it.

One day, as Iliyan and I were together in silence, doing our own thing, I started thinking about the fact that we feel so comfortable with one another, we were never truly embarrassed about anything: our morning faces, my period, our bathroom needs, showering, taking care of either of us when sick, etc. And in any case, if we were a bit shy about something with time all of them became natural. However, that day my thoughts went to be worries.

I was afraid that as we get more and more comfortable, more used to each other, then we would not cherish one another, or put effort to do special things, to talk, to surprise the other and all those lovely things that are specially abundant in the beginning of a relationship. But communication is key, if something bothers you the best thing to do is to tell your beloved, so I went and talked it out with Iliyan.

One of our favorite things to do is to make lunch together and then relax while watching a film.

Luckily, Iliyan is much more relaxed and logical than I am (in general), and explained to me why even if we would get comfortable it would be fine. “Seeing that side that nobody else sees has its own beauty, the cute and messy side, the one in which you are simply comfortable with your loved one.”

“Having this comfort in a relationship is a good thing, we show love in a deeper way; daily with small things like washing dishes for them when you know they do not like doing it, massaging them, calling them to check if they are fine, offering your help and on and on.”

“If you do special things all the time they will cease to be special, so although it is good and important to keep doing them you do not need to overdo it either.”

Being comfortable with your partner is not bad, on the contrary, it allows other experiences to come into your lives. Iliyan and I still have to put effort everyday in our relationship, both of us have to, and we want to, so we can continue growing together.

Make love daily, not only in the physical way in which this is understood, but also with every little thing you do, it is kissing, it is helping them when they need us, it is doing the laundry, it is sending a caring message, it is being there for them. Special gifts and dates also are, but for them to be special it is better to do them not so often.

Our relationship develops, we change with it, and love evolves with us like anything in life does.


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